Some of us have got a few of these locked away in the dark recesses of our mind – others have more than a few. Given that I bet a significant amount of hoops, it follows that I’ve had the misfortune of being on the wrong end of, oh, probably several billion horrific beats. Might be less, but it feels like billions so that’s what I’m going with. And I will share one of the offending piles of shit here with you today, for your amusement. I hope you enjoy this magnificent tragic-comedy as much as I was infuriated by it.

So on December 15, 2017 (or what will feel like just yesterday, for the rest of my natural life), the Euroshit play of the day was a match between CSKA Moscow and the Maccabi shit-for-brains. I’m on team shit-for-brains (surprise, surprise) and am taking the points – all 13.5 of them. I have no idea – nor do I care to know – what happened in the first 39 minutes and 42 seconds of this game, but eventually there were 18 ticks left with Maccabi down by 6. That’s roughly when I pulled up the score and started following along. No problem – a few fouls, maybe some spaz on the bench racks up a technical; but even then this thing still wins easy.

Nope. First, this happened:



Unsportsmanlike. Two free throws awarded – both good. Then this happened:



Two more free throws – made one out of two. Well at least that shitbag Cole has fouled out. Then:



WTF did I just watch? Well now the shot clock is off, and it’s a nine point game. CSKA will surely just dribble it ou-



…?. The fuck. Whatever. Three seconds left and Maccabi has the ball. Just inbound it; game over.

But no. In the coup-de-gras of this shitstorm salad, this spectacular maneuver occurred next:



Final score: 101-86. All of this actually happened, in real life.

And if that’s not the worst beat that has ever occurred – fight me. Or share your own horror stories below. It’s therapeutic.*

*It’s not. But great craic for the rest of us to read.